I hope this letter is finding you in great spirits these days. It's been a good week for me.
Biggest news is Sarah Rebecca found a job and starts tomorrow. It pays good money and means good things for our future. However, we have to sacrifice going to conference. We think it is a good thing to sacrifice though. We can always go in the near future, and we'll have lots of reasons to go. Plus, I've been so many times. Last one with you and Sarah by the way. That was great. Can you believe it's been six months since that time already? I surely can't. We've all grown a lot since then, I'm sure.
I went to Torrance yesterday with Sarah, since there wasn't any games that I cared about on yesterday. We got invited to a funeral, and I know, that sounds down in the dumps sad, but in the end, it actually was rather a good event to be at #1, because all of Sarah's leaders and friends from when she grew up were there and I got to meet them, #2 because the lady who passed had an actually interesting life, and #3, I got to meet with Sarah's older sister before the family party later that day. All of Sarah's friends were sizing me up and asking me questions to get to know me and how we met. Then Sarah and I went to the Redondo Beach and Pier. We sat and talked there for a while, enjoying the sun and ocean air. Then we walked in the wet sand and got our feet wet. We sat next to a family that was playing hispanic music from a DJ. It was music that Sarah really likes. She really likes spanish music. She and Dad have a ton in common in that regard. When she was learning spanish, she would listen to music that helped her learn. Turns out I paid for the wrong parking meter, but it was okay because we didn't end up with a ticket.
The family party/dinner later that night was to celebrate Sarah's dad's birthday. His birthday was on Tuesday. He was passing through Fontana on his way home and we took him out to eat at Taco Bell. Afterwards, we went to Cardenas to get dad chips and salsa and bananas, but for Arno, we got some churros (not the best ones in the world, but still good). The family party was very fun. I got to meet several of Sarah's siblings, three to be exact. Lisa, the oldest with two kids and her husband, and Danny and his wife, and Athena and her kid. They were all fun and very nice to me. I helped Lisa make dinner by cutting strawberries for a salad. She had made that, some great garlic mashed potatoes, green beans, and some very good chicken that was marinated in a very good sauce. It was very tasty. Then, after everyone was done eating the main meal, we sang a happy birthday to Arno and ate a very good cake. Really rich, and very good. It was nice to be with her family and get to know them and them me. It was a fun time and a good "marathon date." I say that because at the funeral they talked about how the person's husband would take her future wife on marathon dates. Now, these dates consisted of doing so many things on one day, like first going to disneyland, then eating, then doing something else and ending the date with bowling. Yesterday was a whole date dedicated to meeting Sarah's family and being with her. The date went well.
On Friday, Sarah and I went to a Friday Night Lights, Kaiser football game against Serrano. It was quite the game to watch. They were neck and neck all the way to the end, which I didn't suspect because Serrano has a losing record, but they gave us a run for our money. It was great though, because at the end we were tied and it looked like we might give up a point in the last few minutes. But defense caught an interception, and in the last few seconds, scored a touchdown! It was crazy. The other team had time for like two more plays. They tried for a hail mary and in the end lost. It was a fun fun date. It was a bit crazy too, because we sat in the back of a family of people. They were not so noisy first half, but come second half, a girl in the family particular started using profanity to the extreme, like saying eff that, etc.
So, just to let you know, I'm thinking of proposing to Sarah this week. I got the ring and everything on Friday. Maybe sometime this next weekend. I still don't know how I'm going to do it, but it's coming. CRAZY! Sometimes I felt this day would never come. But what is different between this time and my time with Stephanie is I know that at the end of the proposal, no matter how I do it, Sarah will say yes. I already know she will say yes, because we are planning on a future together and she includes me in on every thing that is in our imminent future. I'm really grateful for that, because that is something that I never had with Stephanie. I'm still a bit nervous, but it's okay, I'll get over it when the time comes. Maybe next sunday after General Conference I will take her to Redlands temple and do a walk-a-bout with her. We shall see. So crazy!
Mom said Penn State one-up-ed Iowa on Saturday. I did see the last score of the game. So, like mom said in her letter, you have bragging rights for a while.
Anyways, I hope you are doing good. I love you to death and beyond, brother. Sorry if you were expecting more from me. If you want more advice, I will gladly give it.
Take care, and until next week!
John C
Hello Mother!!
You know, I've been thinking long and hard about what I want to tell you in relation to my physical and mental state. The fact of the matter is, I don't feel any better YET. In fact, I feel a heck of a lot worse. This past week was chalk full of me having little mental breakdowns and feelings of inadequacy. Quite frankly, I'm not doing too good. It's like impossible for me to relax. I'm having difficulty finding the joy in missionary work due to this constant stress and anxiety I am feeling. The physical symptoms have continued. I talked to the doctor on the phone on Thursday (I had been taking the medicine for 12 days with no improvement, only worsening symptoms). He told me that that could be a good sign, and to give it another week. So if I see no improvements before this next Thursday, I am going to give him a call and set up an appointment. He mentioned that we may need to increase the dosage of the medication, or perhaps switch to another medication altogether.
Everybody keeps telling me to be patient, that the medication may take some time to start working. I think that I'm just having the wrong attitude about all of this. I need to start having hope that it will work. Because for right now, it seems pretty hopeless. I have seen no improvements whatsoever, and that makes me lose hope more and more by the day. I am starting to get really discouraged, and I want to change that. These have been the longest two weeks of my life. I have been trying to just ignore these symptoms, these feelings, and continue with missionary work. But it's been really hard.
But the thing is, I don't want to give up. You're totally right in saying that I am driven. I know that there is a simple solution to this problem. And I know that President Bednar knows as well. He could just send me home and not have to deal with all of this anymore. But I've made it abundantly clear to him that I don't want to go home, that I want to keep fighting, that I want to keep hoping and praying that things will get better with time. I will keep working until I've exhausted all of my options. I will find a way to get better.
I take comfort in the fact that sometimes it takes several weeks for the medication to kick in. I guess the patience will just have to continue, huh?? I am trying to remain optimistic. I just REALLY want to see improvements, so that I can have SOME sort of indication that I'm getting better. But I will continue to exercise my faith, rather than being fearful for the future, because fear and faith can not exist simultaneously.
Once again, President Bednar emailed me and told me to be completely honest with you in my weekly emails. So there you have it. I'm not really doing great. I have been lower this week than I've ever been in my life. And quite frankly, it's scary. But I'm also hopeful for the future. I'm not in a hurry to get home. I want to stay out here.
There are going to be a lot of changes coming up pretty soon. You're right, transfers are tomorrow!! My training is officially over!! Elder Marcum is going to Jamestown, New York to be a Zone Leader. And I will be staying here in the Lewisberry Bike area to lead out the area. I am still going to be the Junior Companion, however, which I am totally okay with. My new companion is named Elder PAYNE. I don't know much about him, other than the fact that he's really quiet, he's from Canada, he's been out for over a year, he likes bicycling, and likes video games. I don't even know his first name. All of that stuff I told you is just stuff I've heard from other people. I'm excited at the prospect of working with someone different. President Bednar told me in his letter to me yesterday that Elder Payne will be a lot more low key than Elder Marcum and should help me feel the ability to do what I am able until the medication kicks in.
I am viewing this transfer and new companion as a clean slate. I am going to try to implement those things that I've learned throughout training. Going to try to have a good attitude and DECIDE to like those things that I don't like right now. Because as far as Elder Payne knows, I do like those things. I'm trying to decide how up front I want to be with him. LIke, do I want to tell him about all of the physical and emotional difficulties I've been experiencing early on? I don't really want to, but I feel like I probably will, just so that he can be aware. I just don't want him to show up and find that his companion is sort of broken, you know? I want him to have a good first impression of me. Oh well, we'll see.
I'm pretty dang nervous to lead out the area. I already know I'm going to make a lot of mistakes these first few weeks. But I also know that regardless of the mistakes I make, the week and the work will still go on. Weekly Planning this past week was sort of a mess, because I was wholly responsible for it since Elder Marcum will not be here. Let's just say I don't know how we're going to get everything accomplished, how we're going to get to the church building for General Conference, etc. It's like all on me now, at least for these next few weeks. Sometimes I wish I could just take a week or two off, to allow for the medication to take affect in a less stressful and hostile environment. But that ain't gonna happen, so I might as well deal with it.
There's like so much more I could tell you, but that's the main information that I have for you this week. I know, I know, not a lot of fun, happy stuff in this letter. But hopefully there will be some more in the weeks to come!
Here's a quick run down of the highlights of the week:
- We are teaching an investigator from Puerto Rico, Carlos. He is SO AWESOME. He has drunk coffee every day for like the past 30 years, but has not drunk any for the past four days, after we taught him the Word of Wisdom. He's come to church with us each of the past two weeks. In fact, he gave us a ride!! He has a baptismal date set for October 21, so we'll be working with him over these next few weeks. I think he can make it!!
- Jadyn Arroyo, Stephanie and Tyler's son, was baptized this past Saturday. It counts as a convert baptism since he's 9 years old. We've been working with him extensively for these past few weeks. Tyler baptized him. It was SO awesome to see that. And Tyler passed the Sacrament yesterday at church. He passed it to his family, and looked SO HAPPY. It was a moment worth remembering forsure. That's what I love about Missionary work. The people.
- We are going to be receiving training on online/Facebook proselyting at Zone Conference next month, and may be starting right after that. We are going to be receiving Samsung smartphones at the start of next year. We will be allowed to keep our tablets, which is great news.
That's all I've got for you this week! Sorry about the sad nature of this letter. But President Bednar told me to be honest with you. Feel free to respond with your thoughts, whenever you get around to it. I probably won't be able to reply, but it'd be nice to hear what you thing sooner rather than later. I am not sending this letter to John, Briana, or Sarah. So you can tell them whatever you want regarding my situation, or forward it to them. I probably won't be emailing them today. No time whatsoever. Let them know that I love them and miss them, and that I appreciate their letters every single week!! I apologize, but I may not be able to respond to their letters as often as I would like.
I love you, Mom. Keep praying for me. I could definitely use it. I'm trying to get better. Maybe this new companion will be good for me?
Elder Gonzales
Hello Everyone!!
Transfers are tomorrow, and I will be staying here in the Lewisberry Bike area!! My training is officially over! I'm going to miss serving with Elder Marcum. He was a great trainer and friend. But I'm looking forward to serving with my new companion, Elder Payne. I don't know much about him yet, but I'll be sure to keep y'all updated.
THANK YOU for everything you do for me!! Your emails and letters make my day. I love and miss all of you!!
Until next week,
Elder Gonzales
1) A member in my ward wanted to give us a little taste of home, so she made us an imitation CAFE RIO dinner. She even put it in the little aluminum tins, just like at the restaurant. I TESTIFY that it was one of the best things that I've eaten since I've been out here.
2) The last district meeting of the transfer.
3) Jadyn Arroyo, the son of Stephanie and Tyler (who we baptized last month), was baptized this last Saturday!! Tyler was the one who baptized him!! It made me super happy to see that. They both looked so happy afterwards. (also, let it be known that Stephanie put her arm around me just before the picture was taken. I ain't intentionally breaking mission rules haha)
