Extension of my thoughts on Christmas 2019...
This Christmas, was an interesting one, as you may have read. I didn't actually spend the 25th of December with The Roots of my family (immediate). Which is funny, because I did spend it with the Arizona relatives: Uncle Steve and Janell with Morgan and Markie, plus all those whom we spent the day with ON CHRISTMAS DAY, who are family, just not immediate. Mom's sister, Aunt Ann, invited us to Christmas Breakfast, and it was also Glorious and Amazing. For, Peter, our good friend and adopted Arizona Brother was there (he is really close to me for reasons I will explain later), and the Williams family, Gracie, Kerry, and Jesse, and the Guest of Honor, Uncle David. Sarah had never met him since the we've been together, and he is someone whom she meshed with really easily. Sarah is my family. It was really cool.
But this entry is about my Christmas with MY immediate family.
Leading up to the decision to come was wrought with a lot of hard feelings. Pain, confusion, and really, a bit of anxiety.
This year has been the year that I feel like I have been least close (by decision and circumstance) to my family. Now I can't speak for the entirety of the year. At the Start, Jacob was on his mission, Sarah and I were in AZ, and the rest of the siblings were in their respective places of residence, Sarah in Provo, and Briana, with Tony and Cohen in Rexburg. And there were moments of Joy and Happiness between ourselves...
but, being away, like really away.
This was the first year that I didn't feel connected to them, and really to three members of my family specifically, Sarah, my mom, and my dad.
Recent events, brought hard feelings between me and my dad, or at least, between me.
They had invited me to take them up on a offer to use money we would've used for Gas to get here (or I, for Sarah would be working), and they would pitch in the rest for a round-trip ticket to home and back, to maximize time with the family. After talking with Sarah, we thought what great an opportunity it would be to do this for me. So we agreed, however, there weren't any stipulations presented on first contact, and so when I had asked my parents to pitch in the full fare for the ticket and we would repay them, I must have struck a chord, and not a happy one, with my dad, because he was outraged, or perhaps, un-understanding. And very abrasive, which was totally unexpected.
This really hurt. I had already felt apart from them. But this just confirmed in my mind, that they don't trust me, and they aren't happy with me, etc. Thoughts stew in my mind, for, right now, I have this tendency to do that (one that has been with me from before I could honestly remember). And it hurt. It was not what I expected.
I couldn't really talk to them, leading up to this
